Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
