Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
