Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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