my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
