Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
