Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
