You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
