I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
