Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
