In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am one with the molecules
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize