If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
