Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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