You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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