he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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