I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
