shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
