She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
