My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
sex in a hospital.. check
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
