That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
