its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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