I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
