I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
