i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She bit a glass in half.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
