I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
