I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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