She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
