well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
