textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
