What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
