I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
