so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize