i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
