are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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