yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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