forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
