I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
