Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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