So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
