Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
