the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
