my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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