I feel like abortions should bother me more
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
