I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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