She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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