Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
