So drunk, too bad you don't want this
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
