went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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