and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
