Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
