i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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