well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
