it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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