Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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