i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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