he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
