a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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