Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
