put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
