forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
