meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
