how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
