i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
