i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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