finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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