I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
