The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
